Being alone, trying so hard to hide from falling in love, lying over and over again to myself. self consolation is the word. and i've been doing that one too many times. Sometimes just feel so eager to text you saying that 'i miss you', but holding back thinking that its pointless as it dont matter no more. We are on different paths, crossing different roads, and seeing different things in life. You once said that i would make a very good bf but im too some sort ambitious. I do admit that fact, and i really thank you for your honesty. We still are very good friends and i hope it will always stay that way.

Yes, i'll admit the fact that i do crave for someone to love sometimes, but im always looking carefully to who i end up with, because i have been careless too many times. Relationships aint a bother to me, just that i dont think im well prepared to step into one yet. If i cant support myself, how am i even gonna support the one girl that is willing to spend her life with me?

Self consolation is really a big help to me. At least it is able to soothe my anxious heart when a wave just hit pass. And doing it often can even cheer yourself up even for a little, trust me. If u keep thinking that ur sway, then u will be sway for the rest of ur life. Why not put it in better terms and say "luckily its just a minor setback"? Wont you feel better and more relieved? So take it easy and dont lose focus on things that ur really trying hard to achieve. And with the success at the end of the day, u'll be more than satisfied with your accomplishments.

Suddenly, everything became so empty......

I have been spending too much recently, mostly on transport, food and ciggrettes. This is only the second week of the month and i've almost used up my salary. What am i doing? And im really slacking on my job, took 2 mc this month already cause of sudden illness every morning i wake up. Feel bad for my in charge and thinking why i've slacked so much? Isit because im quite tired of my job? Always doing the same thing, going the same place and nothing new. Yes im not the type of person that will stay in a job for long, i always prefer looking out for something new, trying out different experiences, is that a bad thing actually? Cause one will say u are not stable.

Dont get me wrong, i like my job, its my interest, just that i wanna do something more exciting. I wanna go back to my studies seriously. Dad already gave me half of the fees, the rest i think i'll just continue to save up. Probably by end of this month i should be able to sign up for the course. And seriously i have to STOP taking cab here and there, especially on midnight charges. Its already eaten up half of what i earned. gosh........ And there are more things to save up on. Planning a thailand trip with daniel and the rest should be on the start of August. Now there seems to be this overseas fever going on and its tempting my resistance nerves. I so wanna go on a overseas trip to enjoy and relax myself after a while of work.

I dont plan to stay in Singapore my whole life, after i have start a family, i will definitely migrate to other countries. Dont ask me why. Im sure many people wanna do that too, but to me, this is a strong ambition that i must fulfill one day. Right now, i'll just try to keep my focus on my work, studies and cutting down on my everyday expenses. Its killing me, something deep down is killing me and i cant find the source of it..........

hi guys im back to blog =)
its my off day today so
taking some time to blog a bit.
Still trying to get use of things at vivo,
and i miss the life at paragon..... =(
Though vivo is very slack lah. HAHA!
People there are not that bad.



First day of work at vivo and
got to know a clarins girl named Cecline AKA lao lian.
(I called her that cause she kept saying i look like lao beng! =.=)
Shes a great person though din know her for long. But we just click. LOL.
last friday went drinking with her and her friends at a pub called M bar.
nice place to drink and chill out.
AND GOSH! IM THE YOUNGEST OVER THERE YET ALL HER FRIENDS THOUGHT MY AGE WAS 25-26!!
Ok its time to use ANTI-AGING PRODUCTS!
I look freakin OLD! And thats a bad thing.
Women are supposed to age faster than men.....



Got to click with all her friends real well though. Nice people =)
And i drink till drunk loh. HAHA.
And the next morning i working morning shift.
Went home around 1+ that night and KO-ed.
luckily managed to get up the next morning.


And yesterday went to hougang plaza K box.
With lao lian and pearlyn, we just love singing.
And it was decided at the very last minute.
Cause i was bored so i texted lao lian asking
if she wanna come out for dinner or something after work.
And so she suggested going K box. LOL. So i just on her.
Singing with them can really soothe my eardrums
their really damn good, so far the best out of so many friends!! ZAI RIGHT?!
and i bloody hell got sore throat sing till KNS! LOL


Anyway we stayed till 2plus and have to leave as they are closing.
so after that it was home sweet home. =)
really enjoyed their company. And now i have to crack my brains
about where to go later. dont wanna waste my off day staying at home.!!

CIAOS PEOPLE~~!

Miss ma big sis~~~

Blogging for the working Jensen

Jensen says that he is not a pu**y but a Di*k =)

Don't say I never update for you.
Links updated!

though i may not make a difference
in or out of your life,
im still glad that we were once close.

yes i may have feelings for u,
but all along i maintained my
distance and respected u as
a mutual friend.
i can help to guide u if ur
feeling lost,
i can pick u up when u fall down.
thats what good friends do.

i get really pissed off with
what u said yesterday,
and really disappointed.
some choices u make can
affect people in life.

"sorry" may only be what
u can say,
but sometimes it doesnt
help at all.
to me, or others,
u say sorry perhaps is
to just entertain us
even though u really mean it.
it can be said very easily,
but what friends wanna see
are actions to prove.
if i wasnt a good friend,
i probably would have just fuck off.
what for bother to explain right?

everyone makes mistakes in life,
its whether anot u know how to change it.
when situation comes,
u need to learn to adapt,
to get used to it.
not to ponder around not
knowing what to do.

why i can say this so easily?
thats cause i've been through
what u are facing right now.
i've seen friends come and go,
relationships up and down.
and i can tell u,
what ur facing is not the worst.
its choices u make that decides
how ur life will turn out to be.
like theres a sentence:
'always bear the consequences of what you do'
and i'll add another sentence,
'make sure you are ready when the results are out'
if not u will just crumble.

im not saying i know everything,
im not perfect. no one is.
but why not think this way,
when theres a will, theres a way.
sometimes what u wished isnt what u really want.
there can be some twists and turns in it,
there might be changes.
everything around us will eventually change.
its called 'evolution'.
humans are made to learn, and evolve.
so learn to move on and fight for what u desire.

this world is cruel, reality is cruel.
no one is gonna pity for ur losses.
because everyone have their own things to worry about.
sadness leads to anger, anger leads to hate, and hate leads to revenge.
in every person there are always an angel and a devil,
humans normally cant resist temptations and so,
resulting in crimes and awful things.

i committed mistakes in the past,
some which can never be forgived.
hurt my friends, family.
and so i wanna prove something to them.
to perform well for myself,
maybe thats what they wanted for me all along.
its when u lose something then u start to cherish.
i learnt so much from my friends, my fellow colleages and peers.
these good people are hard to come by,
and if cause of somethings u did and they happened to leave,
u cant get them back. things will be different.

so to everyone who are facing problems,
regardless of friends, families or relationships.
to solve these problems u cant consult anyone but urself.
because u have to face ur own demons,
at the end of the day,
whatever choices u made,
it only benefits u, not anyone else.
LIVE FOR YOURSELF, NOT FOR OTHERS.